Imagine your ideal life

“Tidying is not just about cleaning; it’s about creating a space that brings joy. By doing this, you get one step closer to your ideal life”- Marie Kondo

You are in control of the life you are creating; your journey is your own. Your job is not to put your own happiness last. You are allowed to be unapologetic when making decisions to no longer hurt. In your journey to your becoming do you see these people coming along for the ride? Are these the ones that are going to help you be your best self?

My ideal lifestyle involves inner and outer peace; it involves being around people who fill me up so I have enough energy to focus on the things that matter to me. My ideal life is one of my choosing and not one that I need to suffer through due to fear. It is one where I am constantly growing and my growth is too important to hold on to what no longer serves me.

I am living my ideal life. I am surrounded by friends and family who are good for me emotionally, mentally, and physically. They love, uplift, respect my boundaries, and give as much as they take. With these kinds of people in my corner, I am no longer worried about my time and energy being sucked into things or people that are not meant for me.

To protect the life you want to live, and the person you want to be involves letting go of things and people who hold you down and threaten your time, energy, and healing process.

Sorting through the people in your life to see who can stay and who needs to go is essential to your self-love journey. Removing yourself from people, their energy, and the surroundings that restrict you from being you is one of biggest acts of self-care there is.

 

Ask yourself: “does this person spark joy in my life?”

 

With self-love in mind, the choices you make for yourself are the ones that bring you happiness and health. Use the same #konmarimethod to focus on the people in your life that bring you the most peace, happiness, and joy.

While addressing the people who struggle with what to keep and what to let go of, Good on You cites Kondo on its website, “Say thank you, and place those items in the ‘discard’ pile. If you are struggling to make a decision it means that item isn’t bringing you enough joy, so say goodbye to this too!” Bring that same energy when deciding on who can come with you.

Ask yourself when their name flashes across your phone, whether it’s a text or a call, what is your first involuntary reaction. Is it dread, apprehension or excitement?

Do you find yourself anxiously counting down the hours until you are away from them or are always walking on eggshells every time you see them?

 

 

If you can’t be yourself and you feel stifled around them then you are not living authentically. If you can’t be your best self around them is that relationship worth fighting for?

Ask yourself what type of love do you deserve? If they are incapable of giving it to you then it’s time to say goodbye

If you need to shrink yourself to be around this person then it’s time to say goodbye.

***Thank you next***

Discard what no longer serves you

 

There is power in acting with your needs in mind. It’s empowering to intentionally choose your peace above compliance.

Does the thought of hanging around this person feel more like a chore or a mandatory meeting than a fun activity of getting coffee and shopping?  When asked what “spark joy” means Marie said it’s all about how your body reacts. Your body reacts to people it doesn’t want to be around. If you find yourself tense for no apparent reason (nervous, snippy, or redrawn) this is your body’s reaction to things to negative situations.

 

 

Go through the people in your life one by one. Call them, text them, meet up with them, and evaluate how you feel being around them and how they make you feel after. Marie Kondo’s rule is to save sentimental items for last because it can slow down the process. Keep that in mind, it’s ok to save the people who are hardest to determine for last.

Bring a pen to paper. Write down what emotions they spark in you, how often do you they make you laugh, smile, cry.

How often are they compassionate, understanding, and just simply kind? Do they bring joy to your life? In the episode “sparking Joy after loss” we see how Margie has lots of memories, photos and mementos from her and her husband’s days traveling but now she was left with a house full of stuff after her husband passed.

Sometimes it feels like that with people, we hold on to the memories of the person or the potential of them but the reality is that you’re holding on to who you wished they were.

Kondo method involves thanking the item for its service before discarding it. This can be done by acknowledging the person for what they have brought to your life, the harder it is to let go usually means the longer the history or more intertwined they are into your life.  Thank them for any lessons they helped you learn and acknowledge that they did the best they could. Honor your memories, your feelings, and any good that you had with this person and let go.

 

 

Self-care is making healthier decisions in all aspects of your life but also in who you surround yourself with. There are far better things and a happier you waiting on the other side of the fear of letting go. If fear is your main concern, then you should be afraid of losing yourself.

 

 

 

The Good in Goodbye

 

Marie Kondo has sparked a call for action in people to reclaim their space and bring joy to their homes. She urges people to get rid of the clutter to uncover all the possibilities of their home. My call for action is for you to reclaim your life, happiness, and energy.

Get rid of negative habits, self-talk, and people. Say goodbye to the people who no longer serve you.  Letting go is opening yourself up for much more.

Chances are if this person is someone close to you like a parent, friend, or a lover, you have tried taking other people’s advice to “just tell them how you feel.” This doesn’t work with a toxic person. They cannot be reasoned with because they do not see anything wrong with their behavior. They put their own feelings over the concern for other’s feelings, time, money, or energy.

Don’t feel bad for how many times you tried. Oh god, how I have tried! With the help of my therapist and my partner, I have written well thought out letters and texts clearly expressing my needs in different relationships. Pointing out the times when my boundaries where crossed, when disrespect was dealt, and how the relationship can no longer continue in this way. All for it to fall on deaf ears or worse be manipulated into apologizing to them!

If you find yourself drafting break up communication or contemplating blocking that toxic person, then I’m sure you have spent a good part of your time thinking about how things could be different or asking for a healthier relationship.  Those efforts were probably ignored or ridiculed. These are the people who make you feel crazy when asking for what you deserve.

I don’t think there is immediate joy in letting go.  There is anger, hurt, and resentment for even having to make this decision.

I promise you these feelings will fade, as they say, “time heals all wounds.” Most importantly you will start to heal and realize how much you have gained after the loss. You will no longer be emotionally drained, or beating yourself up for not sticking up for yourself.

You will find that the people around you are meeting you at the same level. Respect is mutual. Your time and energy are abundant. You have the energy to love yourself the way they were never able to. Now you have the energy and the mental space to pour into your passions, start a new hobby, or read a damn book. You can now pour because you are overflowing.

 

Letting go is necessary for your fight for your authentic self. It’s carving out space for yourself because you no longer feel the need to shrink, step back, or hide under false identities. Don’t be surprised when you find yourself showing up for yourself in ways that you were afraid to do before. Fear won’t feel so scary anymore because not only do you have your own back but so does your tribe.

Learning when to let go is hard, there is no sugar coating that.  But letting go is freedom, it’s learning to grow into space they once occupied. Marie Kondo is a tidying expert dedicated to inspiring the world to choose joy. I am dedicated to inspiring you to choose you.

 

 

My additional two cents, I am not a therapist (but I sure do love mine) or a life coach. I wanted to talk about a topic that is dear to me because it was a taboo subject when I was trapped in a toxic relationship with my family. No one told me that my feelings were valid and that I was worthy of happiness. I can not stress enough the importance of therapy, please see my last post for how to find one near you.




When I finally let go I found happiness and started actually started living.  Below are some resources to help heal and take your power back.