Comfort as Self-care, is the Rope You Use to pull Yourself Back to Shore.

Picture this: you wake up with sunshine pouring in and plans to conquer your day are dancing in your head. No one and certainly not a pandemic is going to get in your way. After all, you are a Quarantine Queen. However, by noon, you’re barely holding on. You feel defeated and the overwhelming uncertainty of it all has you paralyzed. How do you move past this feeling? It feels physically impossible to get off the couch to join that zoom workout class you planned on. But if you don’t do the next thing on your to-do list then you’re a failure, right?

Wrong, it’s time to pivot. Instead of trying to muster up the emotional strength to hop on that productivity bandwagon I lean into comfort as an act of self-care and a vehicle to get me through this moment. When I find myself staring at my to-do list with glazed over eyes the last thing I need is to bully myself into being productive. When I’m feeling this way, the only way to snap myself out of it is to put whatever it is on pause, focusing on self-compassion and comfort

Comfort is the intentional distraction that doesn’t promise to fix anything but provides the relief needed to get yourself through this moment and onto the next.

The way I see it, comfort doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Yes, we have all seen those quotes “nothing grows in your comfort zone” but there will be some days when we’re not looking for growth, we ‘re just looking to get through this one moment at a time. We have been thrown into an uncomfortable situation without a guidebook. The things we took for granted as sure things, like wedding dates, graduations, and morning commutes with our favorite coffee shop treat in hand are gone, and replaced with much heavier questions. In times of uncertainty, grief, and disappointment you are allowed to use comfort as a means of self-care.

When faced with the feeling of being paralyzed to start I relied on comfort as a way to maintain a level of productivity. Using comfort as a tool means redefining what productivity looks like, allowing yourself to bend, and choosing self-soothing activities instead of succumbing to the instinct to hide under your covers.

 

Comfort is a coping mechanism, and the spectrum ranges from distraction to relief. It’s not meant to promise a happy ending or necessarily save your day. It’s what you do to get through one moment to the next — or, as my therapist reminds me, the kindness I extend to myself by doing, or asking for, what I need. – Greatist.com 

Sprinkle comfort throughout your day

Now, you might not need to seek out comfort everyday.  In fact, there are days when I’m in a productivity high and have no problem zipping through my to-do list. On the other hand, there are days when I struggle with failure to start. It’s when I know what I should be doing , know what I want to be doing, but moving in any direction feels impossible. So even when I want to do all the things I end up doing none of the things.

I use comfort as a tool for self-care and productivity on the days when I am struggling to get through a few simple tasks and end up beating myself up for it.  Slow progress is still progress, baby steps are still moving us forward. You will need to redefine what productivity looks like, it might not look the same way it did two months ago. So, it might take me longer to get things done because when that paralyzing wave of fear or uncertainty tried to take me under I sought out comfort. In fact, I am more productive when I allow myself to be flexible and make comfort a part of my self-care. In these moments, I don’t try to follow whatever rigid guideline I placed on myself when I was in a productivity high.  This results in better follow through becuase my intentional detour soothed my soul and got me back on course.

How to use comfort as a self-care tool to pause not quit

I use it as a purposeful way of providing myself comfort as I temporarily step away from whatever has me feeling stuck, anxious, or negative while still using it as means to an end.

• Re-watch your favorite childhood movies and show. For me its anime, there is something soothing about watching something familiar. 
• Read or listen to something that’s purely for entertainment. You don’t have to learn something, absorb it, or take anything away from it. 
• Print off adult coloring pages
• Instead of your normal workout routine try a new method of moving your body.  I did Yoga for the first time ever, in my living room with Phil before working on this blog post. 
• Take a shower and moisturize from head to toe
• Set a timer and see how far you get with a thousand piece puzzle. Check out this beautiful one that’s fit for a frame.  
• Light your favorite candle(s) 
• Tend to your house plants, spring is a great time to repot.                                
• Put the kettle on and make yourself a cup of tea. The ritual of putting the kettle on, selecting a cup, choosing the tea type, waiting for the kettle to sing and sipping a cup of tea can help you feel grounded. 
• Try Mandalas coloring books    
• Make Fancy Water. Jazz up your water with fresh or frozen berries, sliced lemons and cucumbers
• Put on cute matching lounge wear; something cozy, unrestricting, and adorable
• Make a TikTok video, cuz why not?
• Practice breathing exercises like breath work, box breathing, or square breathing
• Cultivate a playlist that elevates your mood                                                                            
• Paint your nails. This always makes me feel like I have my sh*t together
• Dance in your living room for one full song
• Skin care. No better time to tone, exfoliate, and mask than the present
• Prep vegetables.  I find the act of washing, peeling, and chopping vegetables to be relaxing. I also like the extra bonus that I’m doing something now that I will thank myself for later.
• Try a mediation on YouTube
• Call a friend or family member
• Sing out loud
• Use lavender anything everywhere
• Do something nice for somebody else

Rely on comfort as self-care but don’t forget to add boundaries  

Comfort is not meant to be a means of avoidance.  There is a line between giving yourself comfort and shutting down. If boundaries are not put in place, then I run the risk of using comfort as a crutch. Boundaries are how you safeguard your self-commitments, keep yourself honest, and stave off self-sabotage.

Mornings when I woke paralyzed to start my day, it would result in me succumbing to self-sabotage by lying in bed for hours, in a social media vortex, with nothing but my negative self-talk for company.  In this moment, I choose comfort by easing myself into my day. I would leave the bed to go watch one episode of whatever I’m currently hooked on, right now it’s Four Weddings and a Funeral on Hulu. Let myself be entertained and distracted with the promise that once the show ends my day would begin. I give myself a guilt-free pause, with the boundary of one show to be watched out of bed. Now, my day might have started later than originally planned but it still beats the hours of social media scrolling followed by the sickening feeling of guilt.

The key to using comfort as an act of self-care is use them together with awareness and boundaries.

Awareness is how to emotionally identify where you are right now and the self-care needed to help get you to where you want to be. You see your struggles, you don’t avoid feeling them and most importantly you accept yourself in this moment. In this moment, you could need self-compassion and the comfort found in making chocolate chip cookies from scratch.

Self-Compassion can help us be more resilient in the face of hardships – and even protect us from depression and anxiety! – Psychology Today 

 

“Cause that’s your business,” – Tabitha Brown Voice

I don’t binge, if I’m going to do it then I’m doing it proudly and exercising some self-control. Binging is usually associated as negative mindless acts of indulgence, and is usually followed by guilt or consequences.

Before, an activity like baking four desserts in one week might have been a big no-no for you B.C (Before Corona) but now it’s just what gets you through your work-from-home day and photography class you enrolled yourself in.

Still, you can define and tweak how you use comfort as an act of self-care.  Things have changed, have compassion and ease up on yourself. In this time of uncertainty, grief, and disappointment you are allowed to use comfort as a means of self-care. Also, what might have been a vice two months ago can now be used with boundaries and can become your comfort tool and a means to get it done, it might take a bit longer but you will enjoy the journey.

So, if repeating your favorite mantra, eating your favorite food at each meal, or buying an air fryer bring you comfort then allow it to happen. The goal is to bring excitement over dread in your day. To shed some “light at the end of the tunnel” vibes over this mess.

With Love,

Dani

 

Click the link if you want another tip on avoiding self-sabotage.